“Always Bet on Black” or My Brief Time With Chat Roulette

Late to the party as always, I finally tried out Chat Roulette recently. The experience is an intense one and, as has been detailed a million times, filled with flickering faces and black screens. Because, of course, as a dude I get “nexted” almost non-stop. Face. Black. Face. Black. Face. Black. Like a roulette wheel that never stops spinning. Still, I did manage to gather at least a couple of entertaining CR experiences.

At one point the screen paused on a quite aesthetically pleasing green blur. The blur spoke to me. “Hi.” And I said, “Nice blur”. And it said, “What’s a blur?” And so I explained a few different ways and it said, ” do you want to see me naked?” “Not particularly.” We conversed a little more. Then, “Do you want to see my face?” “Sure.” The blur vanished and was replaced by two 13-or-so-year-old boys wearing Jason-style hockey masks making some kind of gang sign at the screen. Then they nexted me.

The other great sequence involved my communion with one of the most imperturbable looking dudes on the internet. His baldish head floated toward the bottom of the screen, just high enough to reveal unclothed shoulders. Since I’d been nexted about fifty times prior, I chatted with this creature. This magnificently uncommunicative creature. I asked him how he was. I told him he looked like a potato. I apologised for telling him he looked like a potato. I asked if he was a Buddha. Nothing seemed to get a rise out of him. He typed not a word.  Then, clasping at straws, I looked at his image more closely and said, “is that a microwave in the background?” The hint of a smile? “Nice microwave!” A smile. “Here’s mine!” And I swiveled the laptop on the kitchen table to reveal, yes, our microwave.

The Buddha laughed.

10 June 2010
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