You Can Have Your Beefcake and Your Sparklyman Too

Somehow this evening I’ve been watching bits and pieces of Twilight: Eclipse this evening. It’s about what I would expect from the series. I’d seen a little bit of the first movie before fleeing when it turned out that vampires are pretty and sparkly in the light. It does have a kind of extreme melodrama that’s weirdly attractive, though.

Overall, it seems to be an eternal struggle between who’s more awesome: vampires or werewolves. It’s a tough choice, and it’s epitomised by a sort of “hot or not” competition between Edward (the vampire dude) and Jacob (the wolf dude). It comes down to certain preferences. Would you rather have a beefy dude who runs around topless at all times and has a neck exactly the same diameter as his head? Or would you rather have a super pale, but sparkly!, dude who broods it up all day and all night?

Trick question! You don’t have to choose. I’m guessing that part of the appeal of the movies for those who are more into the hotness of the male leads than me is that you get to have both. You can get long, lingering looks at male torso and swoon at the heightened emotions of an old-school vampire fellah. Best of both (supernatural) worlds.

Broadened out, the comparison between vampires and wolves feels lopsided toward the wolves from my perspective. The vampires are constantly sitting around in dour groups, watching bad news on TV or standing ramrod straight in forests listening intensely to the wind. The wolves at least seem kind of cheerful. They hang out all shirtless in their cutoff jeans, grinning at each other. They appear to actually like and enjoy their lives.

Given a choice, though, I think I’d rather be neither, personally (not that it’s a choice I’m in the process of making). Getting mixed up in either crew seems like endless gang warfare. What a drag. Totally not worth it.

18 December 2010
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